What if the Story You Tell About Yourself Isn't True?
From a creative who has spent her life saying she's not creative
“I’m better at Excel spreadsheets than art. My brother inherited all of my mom’s creativity.” I’ve said this many times – despite the fact that as a child I created art from nature and sold it to family members for 5 or 10 cents a piece, depending on the design’s complexity. I made up games, played DJ because I loved music, and made mud pies. I often “taught” math to my stuffed animals using my mom’s old textbooks. I was an avid reader and decent at drawing when I had a reference. Two drawings in particular stand out in my mind - one of a white tiger and one of the front of the cassette single sleeve for Mötley Crüe’s “Without You.”
In high school, my favorite class was Advanced Placement English, and I enjoyed writing poetry. My SAT scores told the story of someone equally proficient in math as in reading and writing. I kept writing poetry into my young adulthood and filled journals with lyrics from songs I loved, always secretly wishing I could write lyrics myself.
Yet I kept telling myself the same story throughout my life. “I wish I were more creative or good at art, but I’m just not.” I majored in Business in college, thinking it was the most practical choice, and started my career in Human Resources while taking night classes to earn my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. At 27, I moved across the country and continued working in Human Resources until 2018.
After years of writing regular blog posts and newsletters, and even self-publishing my first book, I struggled to call myself a writer. I still didn’t identify with my obvious creativity. I felt that because I wrote non-fiction rather than fiction, I wasn’t a creative person.
I still enjoy music, and even though I’ve never written a full song, I write verses and choruses to the tunes of existing songs for each road trip we take. I journal for nearly every trip and occasionally paint, following tutorials I find on YouTube. I’m critical of nearly everything I paint, except for my favorite, an owl. Just a few weeks ago, to celebrate our ninth wedding anniversary, John and I went to a local pottery shop and spent a couple of hours painting - me, an owl mug, and John, a fox figurine with geometric shapes.
I continue to write weekly blog posts and the occasional poem, have published a Companion Journal for my first book, and am working on my next book. Last Christmas, I asked for 365 Days of Art in Nature. While I don’t do it every day, on the days I do, it’s a meditative practice.
I didn’t become a schoolteacher, as I always thought I would (after making money in the business world), but I do teach. Instead of teaching English in a high school or college, I teach yoga. I’m still learning new things all the time and enjoy traveling to experience new places and different cultures. Maybe, just maybe, I’m a creative after all.
What’s a limiting belief or old story you tell yourself that simply isn’t true?